Giving marriage advice has been part of almost every wedding shower I have ever attended. Before I was married, I didn’t have a clue what to write on that cute wedding themed index card. After I was married, I had a lot of ideas but didn’t think that they were super valid because marriage was so new to me.
I have now been married for about six years and have successfully navigated school, student teaching, job changes, caring for a relative, moving, remodeling, and having a kid. And guess what, a lot of the stuff that I thought wasn’t valid in the beginning is exactly what has helped us through the more stressful parts of our marriage.
Marriage is tough but doing some very basic things can easily make it the most rewarding and cherished relationship in your life (as it should be).
Say “I Love You” Daily
I know that there are five love languages and that affirmation isn’t everyone’s thing. Despite that, saying “I love you” to each other on a regular basis is a good reminder to both you and your spouse. It also makes it harder to stay upset or frustrated. Take a look at the person you married remind yourself of the reasons you love them and tell them so.
Make Your Spouse a Priority
No one likes to feel like the last checkmark on a list. Least of all the person you promised to love and cherish forever. Let them know that they are important to you. Put your phone down when you are talking to them, plan a date, surprise them for lunch, actively listen to what they are saying, be interested in their interests. Just put them first. If both people do this, then both peoples needs are met.
Spend Time Together Each Day
I would recommend more than ten minutes, but even ten minutes can go a long way. Talk, cuddle, go on a date, go buy groceries…. Whatever you do though, be with them, put your phone down. There is nothing more annoying in these situations than playing second fiddle to a phone. Don’t be that spouse. There is no substitute for good, solid, uninterrupted time together.
Go on Weekly Dates
That sounds like a lot, especially with kids, but they can be easy. My husband and I generally plan two legitimate out of the house babysitter dates a month and two easy after the baby goes to bed date nights. Netflix and cuddling can be a great date as can cooking together, making something new, playing games, reading, or learning from each other.
Have Regular Open Conversations
Stop playing games. Don’t assume the other person knows what you are thinking or can read your mind. Skirting around a subject, holding grudges, having off-limits topics, the silent treatment, and contrived drama are useless and stupid. In my experience, marriage is better when both parties are open, honest, understanding, and kind and all kinds of conversations happen regularly.
Talk Kindly About Each Other
Be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader. Don’t get caught up in other people’s conversations and start bad-mouthing them. Be the person that they can always count on to have their back. Praise them in public and in private and you will be quicker to remember their good qualities than their bad ones.
Trust and Be Trustworthy
This is clearly a two-way street. I was lucky and married someone I trust completely in every regard. In turn, he knows that he doesn’t need to worry about me because I have never given him a reason to mistrust either. If you are not at this point figure out what steps you need to take to get there.
Read Scriptures Together
I am LDS and this is something that we have made a habit of doing since our marriage started. Reading scriptures daily and inviting the Spirit into a home is a great way to lessen contention and fill it with peace. It is also a good way to reconnect with your spouse each day.
There isn’t anything quite like kneeling together and asking God to help you with and bless your marriage. Praying together gives us the opportunity to thank our Heavenly Father for each other and the many blessings we have been given. It brings us together, helps us to be grateful, and keeps us on track.
Hug, kiss, whatever. Being physically close to your spouse does a lot for a marriage emotionally. When done kindly and sincerely physical touch and intimacy, in general, affirm love, bring couples closer, and heal.
My question for you is, what is the best marriage advice you have ever heard, gotten, or given? Respond in the comments!
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